March 3rd, 2024
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Democrats Pledge To Ban Log Cabin Syrup

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Not America's syrup! The Democrats are seeking to take over breakfast! And by taking over breakfast, they mean to get rid of an American institution, Log Cabin Syrup. The popular breakfast staple has been on the table of Americans for decades. It seems that they are going after everything to do with our heritage and history in their quest to turn the United States of America into a store-brand syrup eating socialist nation. Congressman Juan Rodriguez (D-OR) spoke with Sandy Batt about the party's intentions. "We've already gotten rid of Confederate statues, Aunt Jemima, and Mrs. Butterworth. So we all got to thinking. Who is Trump comparing his Presidency to? Lincoln. Where was Lincoln born? A log cabin. All the suburban housewives feeding their kids a hearty breakfast before sending them to school are in reality just training the next generation to identify as Republican. The log cabin has to go too." Luckily for us, the Republicans are defending our freedom to eat pancakes with our patriotic syrup. Senator Jean. L. Bluto (R-AL) delivered an impassioned speech on the Senate floor today. "They take away our logo mascots and we fall back. They take out all of our statues and we fall back. Not again. The line must be drawn here! This far, no further! This fight is not over. Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no. And it ain't over now cause when the going gets tough, the tough get going! Now who's with me?...
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